Sometimes Kevin Malone is a Genius
Brittany Lene' Ehle has been nothing short of emotionally and physically demolished.
Hope is wishing.
Yes I absolutely did just reference myself in the third person. It's been a couple of weeks.
IM NOT SANE THESE DAYS, YOU GUYS.
My brain has been racing and it's too much to sort out.
It's nothing new, really.
Trying to Conceive (TTC) is all-consuming.
I have been feeling like my brain is split into thirds.
Two thirds of my brain is just fed up with the fight.
ENOUGH. You shouldn't have to try this hard. Maybe that friend was right... Maybe you aren't meant to be a Mom. Stop Googling. Stop fighting fate. We are wasting time, energy and money. Focus on you. Focus on your Husband. Too much is too much and after four years TTC, one miscarriage and a failed adoption; it's time.
The other third? The lone-wolf of thirds? That poor slice of my brain is still holding onto any strain of positivity it possibly can.
Come on, 2 thirds! It's not that bad. It happens. People recover from so much worse. We can do this! I have hope! I have faith! As long as we are proactive, things will happen! WE ARE MEANT FOR THIS. It's just a test and we passed with flying colors! I mean, look at us! We still wake up every morning. We can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and GET THIS HANDLED.
It's a conflicted mess inside this noggin', I tell ya!
Here is the thing, you guys. I'm actually super blessed because I have the greatest people in my corner.
I'm talking about the truest of true friends/family. The ones who see your pain and acknowledge its authenticity. The ones who empathize, not sympathize.
The ones that say, "I see all of these people having kids who don't even want a child, and there you and Jesse are ... dying to have a baby to love and raise. It breaks my heart."
The ones that say, "You did all of the right things. You still are doing all of the right things. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It just sucks."
Let me first say that I know that everyone generally comes from a place of love when they say anything about our journey. I truly do. But some words? They are like uncomfortable band-aids. They just make it so the ugly and painful wound can't be seen.
If you don't know what to say to someone TTC or someone who has experienced Pregnancy Loss... SAY EXACTLY THAT. It's difficult to approach. I totally get it.
It's normal NOT to know what to say!
But, for the sake of all of the future couples struggling with a journey similar to ours that you may encounter in the future, if you remember nothing else from this post, please remember JUST this:
Some simple examples of what to say:
"I'm so sorry."
"That totally sucks. I can't imagine."
"I'm so proud of you for doing what you think is right for you and your partner. It has to be hard and you are doing it! Day-in and day-out."
"I will be praying for you and your partner!"
"Want $1,000,000? You deserve it. Here!" (JK - don't say that.)
Acknowledge the pain that others are going through. See it, give it the name it deserves, and tell them how strong they are for moving forward!
Whew! I'm glad that is out of the way!
God brought me to a church on Friday night that I would ordinarily never attend, but my friend Nina said she would tag along and I just really felt like I needed to attend. I know, I know. I didn't know churches held church on Fridays either. Rocked my world when my friend invited me. lol.
I went into it just thinking that I would learn in a new way. I would hear God's word from a fresh perspective, having this church be of a different denomination and all!
We showed up 45 minutes late and the service was just starting! We walked in, sat in the back (obvi), and the second we looked forward the pastor said,
"I am from South Carolina and I am here to tell someone in Mt Pleasant Michigan tonight, 'DON'T GIVE UP.' "
Nina raised her eyebrows and nodded towards the Pastor.
I looked at her, tears in my eyes and said, "I know! I'm meant to be here!"
The entire sermon was about the purpose of your storm.
I'll spark-notes it for you since this post is already as long as my credit card debt...
"God uses your storms, to move you where he needs you to be!"
It hit me like a brick.
Apparently it hit Nina like a brick FOR me.
I can't even tell you how many times Nina smacked my thigh while he spoke. She was dead-on every time. God knew how exhausted I was. God knew I was reaching for him by going to this new church. God knew what I needed to hear.
I finally gained perspective.
We can't give up.
We can't lose Faith.
I can't stop trying to share our story; trying to get others to understand what millions of other women, men and couples are experiencing daily.
My pain has purpose. I have to share that. I have to continue.
Do you know the difference between Hope and Biblical Hope?
I just learned this from my new devotional, so I am obviously dying to share...
Hope is wishing.
Biblical Hope is waiting with expectation.
God is simply moving us where we need to be with each month that we aren't pregnant, with losing Benjamin, with unsuccessful Urologist appointments.
God is moving us.
We are going to wait expectantly. Knowing that God will provide and walking closer with Him while we wait for our sweet babe to get here.