30 Without A Baby
Aging doesn't bother me, I will say that.
I have watched the women in my family and honestly, they've only gotten greater with each birthday that has passed for them. Older and wiser is my #goals, you guys.
That being said...
By the age of thirty, I DEMANDED a child.
I mean that.
I wholeheartedly believed that I would be a mother by age 30.
Since around age 25 I decided to tell God what my demands were.
"Its fine Im not pregnant this birthday. But I BETTER be pregnant before the age of thirty."
Ive also been known to say, "If we don't have a child by my 30th birthday, you might as well plan on picking me up off of the floor because IM GOING TO BE A HOT MESS."
Well here I am.
Turning 30 in 4 days.
Not a sobbing mess.
Not longing for motherhood.
Full of joy over the life I have been blessed with.
You guys.
This year is 6 years trying to conceive. This year is the maximum age I planned to be when I had a child.
This birthday is so special.
I feel foolish, don't get me wrong. I believed I would have a baby by now and knowing that I was wrong about it all has definitely been a reality check for me that I, in fact, am not in control of my own life.
But y'all. The joy. The contentment. THE PEACE, friends. THE. FREAKING. PEACE.
I can't tell you how strange it is not to be a blubbering mess over being childless this week.
Moving to Grand Rapids pulled me out of my world of jealousy and envy of the people that came into my life and turned into parents.
Moving to Grand Rapids pulled me out of my world of selfishness of living for myself and my plans for my life.
So this year, I may shed a tear or two over being so dang wrong all of this time. But know that I am truly celebrating my 30th in gratefulness. I have had so many blessings throughout my 30 years on this earth.
I have a trying yet incredible marriage to a man who loves God.
I have a mother who never lets me feel like less of a woman for not being a mother.
I have brothers and sisters-in-law that let me parent their children like they are my own. *This Aunt Britt is strict but I like to think they love me all the same.*
I have friends who love and support me every dang step in this life and want nothing but to know me.
I have a God who, despite my shortfalls and especially my temper tantrums, still created me simply to love me and bless me.
Pray I keep my chin this high all week, friends.
Because right now, I feel like the luckiest childless woman I know.
And if you are going through another birthday childless? Just know it truly does get better, the more you give it to God and let go of your demands and attempts to control it all. You can't. You truly can't. So give it to God and count your blessings, boo thangs!
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