Boxers or Boxer Briefs?

Jesse and I were wandering through TJMaxx last weekend and as we passed the mens undergarments area, Jesse looked at me ever-so-longingly and softly asked, "Can I go back to wearing my regular boxers?"

I paused. 

I TOTALLY forgot that he's been sacrificing his regular underwear (or as I like to call them, "chonies") for baggy old boxers the past two or so years. 

He transitioned to these after the doctors suggested them in order to produce healthier sperm and I therefore begged and pleaded him to do so.

DID YOU EVEN KNOW THAT WAS A THING BEFORE READING THIS POST?! BECAUSE IT IS.

I finally responded, "Can you keep wearing your boxers a little while longer? I don't know. I just don't want to TOTALLY block our chances of having a baby one day."

I felt like a total dillhole. 

I would HATE wearing a different kind of underwear every day just so that Jesse could have the possibility of having a child.

But I would do it. Just as he has. 

It's weird, you guys. 

Lately I have had brief moments, but still... moments, of a sudden awareness of this old empty womb.

My ovulation has been hitting me harder than usual lately and I have the hormonal acne to prove it, so maybe that plays a part in those moments.

I guess its just a weird sense of control I'm still holding onto. That or like a, "Look, God. Im still doing my part to work towards a baby by Jess wearing these boxers. Plus, you know. Having sex." kind of thing?

Even as I type this, I am realizing how ridiculous this all sounds.

This is the God who's son was born from a virgin. 

Simmer down, Judy. IM NOT CALLIN' MYSELF MARY. 

I'm just saying. How INSANE is it that I am still holding onto the inkling of a bearing a child with "my" efforts of MY HUSBANDS CHONIES. 

No more, my friends.

God knows the desires of my heart. If he believes it would bring him glory to bless me with a child, I'm ready. If not, then I'll just be over here rockin' my aunt-status.

Im sure children were produced from Reebok boxer-brief wearing bros with low sperm motility somewhere else out in this world. 

God isn't looking at me like, "well since you had him wear those chonies, I GOTTA GIVE YOU A BABY NOW."

Nah, fam.

So Jesse, if you are reading this...

Treat yo'self to some comfy ol' chonies and let's forget about what we think our efforts can accomplish.

God's got it.

Also, we need milk.