"Mama said, Mama said"

You know the classic, "Momma said there'll be days like this",  right?

Thats exactly how today feels. My heart aches a little from the sting of my period starting a few days later than expected but then I think about this morning's events at Central Michigan University and suddenly I am overfilled with gratefulness.

All week we have been hearing about school lockdowns and threats not just across the public schools of our country but even in our little old Mid Michigan public schools. 
Then today happens. 

Today, you guys. 

Hearing about the shooting at CMU just burns a hole into my heart. 
Today felt like one giant punch to the throat. I am absolutely not about to make this post political. 
I can promise you that. Just know that today, I felt grateful that my fear was for the general public, my family and friends.

Today, I didn't fear for my little Juniper. The Juniper I have been begging God for over the past 4.5 years could have been in a local public school by now. 
I could have had to wait for hours to get those phone calls from the public school, my heart sinking with every other text or phone alert that came through. 
I would have to wonder when I could pick Juniper up from school, tell him/her about what God's love, compassion and empathy mean to a broken world like this, debating which forehead flashlight & knife to sleep with to defend myself and my child.

Today I didn't have to hold a conversation with Juniper about guns or death or mental health or drug use and how they impact our daily lives so greatly.
Today I didn't have to sit filled with anxiety over the future my child would have to endure and how I could possibly teach them that God is in control of all that is happening in our broken world. 
Today I didn't have to cry silently in the car as I called my husband to tell him that I was in a lockdown myself and was fearful to take Juniper home.

Months like this, weeks like this, days like this.... I am grateful that God hasn't given us our little Juniper when we started asking years ago.

Mama was right. Sometimes you thank God for saying, "Not yet".


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