It Isn't Always "The Pits"

Like the proud little broken record that I am, let me just throw this out there...

Life while TTC is super weird. I can go from a blubbering sobbing mess, to feeling absolutely content about it from one second to the next.

Sometimes it's too weird for even my brain to be able to rationalize and I've been in the thick of it for what feels like eons. 

This morning I heard Jesse take the boys outside then come back and crawl into bed around 7am.

I obviously planned to spend my Saturday roaming around the stores of Mt. Pleasant with my main chick (aka my mom), so I was up and getting ready for town about an hour later. I wasn't sure what time to come home because I definitely have missed seeing my husband this week. 

I went into the bedroom and whispered, "Hey! What time did you come to bed last night?"

He responded in his half-mumble/half-grunt morning voice, "Seven this morning".

My tone IMMEDIATELY changed. I'm a wife you guys, I can't not react to that response!

"Ohhhhh!" My tone was so passive that I'm surprised I didn't choke on my words. "Well then! I won't hurry home from town today because you obviously will be sleeping half of the day away. I love you! See you later!"

And out the door I went. After multiple outfit changes, of course.

Let's all approach this first concern together.

I had the same thoughts as you probably do right now, 

"HE STAYED UP UNTIL SEVEN IN THE MORNING PLAYING VIDEO GAMES?! WHAT A HEATHEN!"

Sometimes it takes a little bit for me to rationally break scenarios down in my head. 

Picture my brain as a terrible digestive system. The breakdown always happens. It just takes about as long as my mom always claimed bubble gum would if I swallowed it. 

ANYWAY.

Why wouldn't he stay up insanely late playing video games?

Jesse works so incredibly hard to provide for us.

If that is how he can shut off his brain, take time for himself and relax? So be it. And realistically, I went to bed at midnight! 

Fast forward to when I was thinking about my next blog post - all the while getting into the car after some delicious Noodles and Co.

"I think Im going to write another blog today. I want to write something about how sometimes we are blessed to be the childless-couple around the holidays. Ya know, brag about our situation a little! I mean, we don't have to worry about taking Juniper to 15 different Christmas celebrations.... that kind of stuff."

My mom, again, being my total cheerleader responds, "Yeah! You don't have to put kids in and out of their winter gear, either. THAT'S exhausting. Seriously."

Then my brain did a swan dive down into what I have seen to be a TTC sanity-keeping rabbit hole. 

We don't have to spend tons of money on gifts.

We get to stay up late and binge watch all of my favorite Christmas Specials.

We can spend the entire day with our families rather than worrying about feedings and where Juniper is playing in the house and dirty diapers and lack of naps.

We have the freedom to enjoy one another's company. 

We get to Praise God for the birth of His Child without disruptive requests for juice or goldfish crackers.

What I am trying to get at, you guys, is that we have a lot of freedom. We truly do. We also recognize that freedom and soak it up to the greatest extent (while still remaining mature and responsible adults, of course).

Sometimes you just need to find the silver lining. And today I found mine after I filled my belly with Noodles and it all hit me because of my husband's late night.

I haven't lost touch with my emotionally unstable side. I also cried today about Benjamin, but that is an entirely different rabbit hole that I'm not quite ready to share so that blog will have to be for another day.

Today I am choosing to count our blessings.

Merry Christmas to you and yours! 

Just know that even if we love our freedom around the holidays, you are so incredibly blessed if you have little nuggets to spend them with.